Selfless

One thing I have learned from being a mom, complete selflessness. Looking back at myself before, I can admit that I was a selfish person. If I didn't get my way, I could be a brat. For the most part, I did what I wanted when I wanted. Grace turned that all around. I no longer even think about myself anymore. Before I go anywhere or make any decisions my first thought is how will this affect Grace's happiness. I have had to give up things I like doing, especially eating out and doing stuff with my friends. I don't get to go out to eat with my friends after work because I have to get home to feed Grace and honestly I'm too tired to do much.

If I'm planning to go anywhere, I have to pack all kinds of things and do huge advanced planning, including where I can feed her, where she can nap, if there's any activity she can do, etc. I'm still nursing her so it has to be an appropriate place, plus she eats every 2 hours for ab 20 min, which doesn't leave a lot of time to do anything in between. She doesn't sleep well unless she's in her crib and sleep is VERY important to her mood, so it's hard to go anywhere with her.

None of this is complaining in the least bit. I wouldn't change it for anything. I would love to stay home with her allll the time because she is growing and changing so fast!! She is such a blessing from God and I am so thankful. She has taught me to be selfless and to put others' needs above my own. She has taught me to appreciate what my own momma went through when I was little and the years of no sleep, constantly putting my needs above hers, and always sacrificing for me.

I read a blog the other day of a guy with 4 kids and he said people always ask him what he was thinking having 4. He responded with who wouldn't want 4 kids? And why would someone wait for something as magnificent as being a parent. I wholeheartedly agree.

And Avery was holding Grace the other day looking at her smiling face and asked me "why did I want to wait to have a baby? What's more important than this?" He realized that it doesn't matter that our friends can travel more or can buy nice things. She is the most important thing in the world to us and it's silly that our friends want to wait and miss out on the absolute joy she brings. And as far as being "financially" ready?? We were when we got pregnant and a few months later found ourselves in a not great situation. Jobs come and go. You can't spend your life waiting for the "perfect" time. It'll never happen. And if it does, it can change any second.

So, yes I am sleep-deprived, caffeine-deprived, my mind never stops between Grace, Avery, work, and grad school, and my thoughts are literally consumed by breast feeding time schedules and trying to fit in pumping more milk so I'll have enough for Grace the next time I work, but I wouldn't have it any other way. What are y'all waiting for?!? We aren't guaranteed tomorrow.