so close!

I am 39 weeks pregnant! I cannot believe #1 that I am this far along and #2 that I am still pregnant. I know those are contradictory. We met with the doctor today and I have no progress from last week, which was 1-2cm and 70% effaced. For some reason, me and Avery both were extremely hopeful to go to this doctor visit and thinking that I would have progressed some and would have some good news. I dont know what we were thinking. As a result, we were completely disappointed and barely said a word on the ride home because we were so bummed. We are so ready to meet our precious girl and as I've said before, I'm totally done with the whole pregnant thing. I've gone through a lot of emotions this afternoon, mainly disappointment, but have now made the resolution to be more positive about it. I am going to try to not complain about being pregnant because I know there are people in the world who dont have the opportunity to be pregnant and have thier own child. I am unbelievably blessed. The doctor plans to induce me on february 6th, which is 41 weeks. That is two weeks tops. If I've made it this far, I can make it two more weeks. I would absolutely LOVE for it to be sooner, even tonight, but I can make it two weeks. bring it on. It gives me more time to focus on how to be a good mother, rest when I am at home without having a crying newborn that I dont know how to soothe, and simply be a couple with Avery for the last time EVER.
I am still working and wondering how long this will last. The shifts are so long and I am simply not sleeping well. I can stay awake and get stuff done at work, but considering where I work (pediatric ICU), I'm worried that I am going to let my terrible pregnant brain get the best of me and make a potentially HUGE mistake. I'm not sleeping mainly because it is unbelievably hard to get comfortable but also because I wake up to go to the bathroom soo much. I literally got up every single hour last night. That doesn't make for good sleep and good thinking skills the next day. But 2 more weeks! We are super excited and sooo ready!

37 weeks and it's 2012!!

As of tomorrow, I will be 37 weeks pregnant. That's full term. Grace can come any time now. I still can't believe that literally any day we could have a baby. ANY DAY!! In some ways, I am completely ready. I'm done being pregnant and uncomfortable. But then I think about when the pregnant part is over, it means that I have to go through labor and then I will have a child. a baby. that im completely responsible for. that's completely crazy to think about. I went to the doctor last week for my 36 week check up and I was dilated to 1 cm. I know it's obviously not much, but its something! He also said he was 95% sure she was head down. I think his other 5% was the fact that he found her heartbeat a little high, like above my belly button. maybe she's tall? even though we are both short? I dont know. oh well. Even though I'm hopeful she will come soon, I bet with my luck, I'm one of those people who will go 42 weeks and then have to be induced. but it's ok. it'll all be worth it in the end (but Grace, seriously come soon :) ).

I don't really have anything else going on. Just pregnant, still working full time (which is exhausting), and I start grad school stuff again this week. Avery should hear about a job opportunity soon, so I am anxiously awaiting that phone call. We still have a little bit left to go on the nursery, but we are sooo close to being done. I can't wait. I've had a few random contractions, but nothing steady or continuous. Just enough to make me extra hopeful.

I haven't written since it's the new year. I dont really make resolutions because I feel that every new day/week/month is an opportunity to start something new and fresh and waiting for the new year is limiting. So I dont have resolutions, but I do have some plans for this year, they simply involve more the fact that we are having a child and it just happens to fall around the new year. I want me and Avery both to be healthier. like a lot. we eat out alllll the time. I know it's bad for us, but cooking for two people just seems like a waste, and we are both really really bad about leftovers. So I am going to try to cook a lot more and we are going to eat the leftovers whether we like it or not. Which goes to my next plan...be more money conscious. We are unbelievably poor and in the next month or so may be forced to make some HUGE changes in our lives, but I'm just trusting in God for that matter. We were really bad about saving our money when we did have it, and now that we don't have it, I realize how it could have made a huge difference in where we are financially right now. Once we figure out Avery's job situation, we are going to sit down and seriously make a budget. like seriously. and we aren't going to go over it. no matter what.

My other plan is to read the Bible more. I know that everyone says this every year and I do too, but I feel like I have been spiritually slacking in my life and I need help. I hadn't been reading my bible everyday or even praying everyday, which is unbelievably embarrassing to admit. This has changed thus far this year. I want to grow so much closer to God this year. Especially because now I will have a little one looking up to me and my faith and my relationship with God. My last plan is to be a better wife to Avery. I am very stubborn, impatient, and a perfectionist, which makes me very nitpicky. Plus, I have a temper (thanks for that dad). All of these traits lead me to be a bit frustrating to him i'm sure. I want to stop nitpicking everything Avery does and start giving him more respect that he deserves and be the Godly wife I am called to be. Once again, because I will have a little one looking up to me who will hopefully one day be a wife herself and she deserves to have a good example.

I think that's all I have for now...hope you all have a fabulous week! Please keep me, Avery, Grace, and the hopefully soon labor process in your prayers!