I thought undergrad nursing school was hard. While I still think at that time in my life, it was really hard, it can't hold a candle to what I've got going on right. I currently have a full time job, am in clinicals full time for grad school, have a 1 year old and a husband, plus some other issues in my life. Busy does not even come close to covering it. I work 3 days a week, do clinicals a minimum of 2 days a week, do homework the other days, as well as clean, do laundry, and try to cherish precious moments with my sweet baby because they are few and far between these days. I feel like a terrible mom. Most days I only spend about 1-2 hours with her. I sound terrible saying that. It feels terrible. I've debated quitting school because I feel so bad about it and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still thinking about dropping out. I need to get in 350 clinical hours by May. I currently have 37. Not ideal. Counting all my possible days to do clinical, Ill only have about 280 by mid April. I honestly don't know how/when I'll be able to fit them in. Then summer ones start. Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to cover how I'm feeling, especially when I think of all I'm missing with Grace. I just keep reminding myself that in the end, it's for her. To provide for her. And that it's better that I'm doing it when she's so young because she won't remember. But it's so hard.
None of this is to complain. I realize that I put this much on myself. I just want my friends to realize that when I say I'm busy, it's not just normal life busy. I am literally too busy to hang out. But August is coming!!! Pray for patience for me and my family dealing with me. Pray for peace for my heart being away from Grace so much. And pray for me to not be overwhelmed and to really cherish the little time I do have with Grace.
